you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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