I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
