I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was born a porn star she said
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were trust falling into bushes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
