I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we're so committed to being not committed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
