no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
