I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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