I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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