omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need water and some morals
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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