Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
