My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
