Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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