you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
