So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
