i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
