hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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