I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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