just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
