I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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