i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
