I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
