So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
