just come out here and I will go home with you...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
