This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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