Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
