all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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