my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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