So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
