I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
