my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
