My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
