he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize