I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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