i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
