My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Soap is not a condiment
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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