There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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