Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
