and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
