Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
