I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
