have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
