In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
