I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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