oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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