rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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