Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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