I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
