This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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