im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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