I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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