Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
