I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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