We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
