her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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