On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
