Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
