Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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