bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
