Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
