Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
