Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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