Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
