Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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