he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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