You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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