Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
