Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
