After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
