so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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