I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
