I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
