1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
