i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The power of my boobs compel you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
