Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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