I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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